Fights in relationships are often caused by differences in the expectations of how the relationship should look.
Think about this: How could you get in a fight if you did not expect anything from your partner?
There would just be no way. If you do not have any expectation then your partner can do whatever they want and you will not be aggravated by it in the slightest.
The problem is that as soon as we see a person that we could consider as a partner we have certain expectations. Our first impression alone is enough to expect a certain character out of them, which they may or may not fulfill.
This only gets worse once the relationship starts and you expect your partner to make you happy, to love you, cherish you, and give you everything you want.
Most of us are obsessed with ourselves. Everything we do is for the sake of us.
This does not change with relationships, but the problem is that we demand the other person to take care of us as well.
Now… what do you think happens when both partners think that way?
As soon as one of the two doesn’t provide with what is expected of them, the other partner goes into an argument and a fight ensues.
If I expect you to put the ketchup bottle in the right cupboard and you do not do it I might get a bit upset, but it wouldn’t be anything big enough to cause a fight.
Instead I will deal with it, I will not tell you my expectations and just expect you to remember next time.
Of course you wouldn’t know at that point and would just keep putting the ketchup in the wrong cupboard.
The problem is that it is not only the ketchup…
There are dozens of things you might do that I expect to be done differently, but since they are all so small I will not say anything.
Sooner or later, the pot is going to boil over and fights begin.
But all of this starts with the expectations I have of you!
If you want to avoid fights with your significant other then take responsibility for your own life and expect nothing of your partner and give nothing that is expected of you!
Make yourself happy first and lead a happy life by taking care of it all yourself.
Then give to your partner because you chose to not because it is expected of you.
Doing these two things will avoid the vast majority of all fights and arguments, if not all of them.
It is not your partners job to make you happy. Period.
They can make you happier but they are in no way responsible to make you happy.
Remember that they are their own person, living their own life, with their own worries, fears, doubts, moments of joy and life goals, and understand then that they might not remember to put the ketchup in the cupboard you want it to be in.
Stop being less than you can be and reach your goals. Send me a message saying "Coaching" to work 1 to 1 with me.
No comments:
Post a Comment